Mission To Kolob, The Count Down Begins!
The 'Moroni One space rocket' readies on the launch pad for a first ever mission to the Kolob solar system, referenced in the Book of Abraham as god's dwelling space. The development of mission critical galactic navigational software was made possible by LDS Book of Abraham content relevant to 'governing stars, set times, and the hierarchy of motions.'
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The LDS church space vehicle is camouflage housed in a temple like structure. Mission personnel are called by the first presidency of the church from Brigham Young University's departments
of Religion, Astrophysics, and Rocketry based on academic accomplishment and testimony of a gospel restoration by omnipotent beings from the Kolob solar system. Select young missionaries from the church's Mission Language Training Center demonstrating an aptitude for intergalactic languages are also tapped for the journey, their mission destination status changed from terrestrial to extraterrestrial.
The upper age limit for mission participation is forty years, the only exception being sixty-six year old Apostle David Allan Bednar, the youngest most physically fit apostle available to head the expedition. The mission ratio of young Mormon women to largely older Mormon men is six to one. According to church sources, "Once outside earth's legal jurisdictions each man will select six brides to begin multiplying and replenishing whatever planet whereon apostle Bednar declares, "This is the place!" The Brigham Young era criteria for selecting multiple wives will apply giving senior ranking brethren 'first selection' rights. The young women will be kept in a state of unconscious suspended animation until called to magnify their callings and returned to a suspended state. This will minimize the consumption of critical resources and maximize shelf life.
Given the mission's divine destination church critics mockingly refer to it as, "The Galactic Tower of Babel project." Critics point to past church space missions ending in tragedy. Nevertheless, church authorities have reaffirmed that count down will soon begin!
Mission critics are likened to the scoffers of Noah's day during final preparations before the flood. Latter Day Saint prophet, seer, and revelator Russell M. Nelson compared the mission to the pioneer days of early Mormonism, when the saints of that era scurried across the western plains seeking independence and freedom from persecution and law enforcement. President Nelson also shared his impression that, "Armageddon is nigh and the saints need more time to repent, multiply. and replenish in a far away safe space."
The End is nigh?